To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.
Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
When you doubt, abstain.
Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.