George Carlin Quotes

Quote

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

George Carlin in Past, Present, Only

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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

George Carlin

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

George Carlin

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

George Carlin

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

George Carlin

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

George Carlin

Religion is just mind control.

George Carlin

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

George Carlin

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

George Carlin

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

George Carlin

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

George Carlin

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

George Carlin

Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.

George Carlin