Fred Allen Quotes

Quote

My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Fred Allen in Children, Father, Never

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My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.

Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

Fred Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

Fred Allen

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

Fred Allen

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Fred Allen

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

Fred Allen

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

Fred Allen

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.

Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir two hundred people changed their religion.

Fred Allen

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Fred Allen

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

Fred Allen

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Fred Allen

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Fred Allen

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

Fred Allen